questioning her was never something I had really considered but as the years drifted by and my hands remained empty and my head cleared by the hunger I could see many things beyond my plain of vision .I was caught helplessly adrift tied to this slowly sinking wreckage that I thought would carry me safely ashore. Paranoid delusions on this cold night as my mind fights for a way to contemplate something as shifty as addiction.
---------------------------------------------

All Hallows Eve

Lines of coke, bloody brides,
candy cane I suppose.
In an alleged
mescaline dream
I stumbled into you
at San Fermin,
everyone in red
and white,
a festival
so out of place
here in this cold city
listening to
misty mountain hop
amid the browning patches
.

Desiccated
wildflowers,

not a single one of whom
would
take their lives in their hands
to steady a grasp on something so fleeting

as art.

You’re pursing your lips
again

and I can feel that my hand is
wrapping visions
round the night
trailing
your blood,
a beautiful
deepened crimson against the frozen sky,
crystallizing in a wave.
I reach out to touch it
and you shudder,
the crest breaking
against your turning back,
long red hair
smelling
of crisp burnt almonds.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

So I suppose it all starts earlier, much earlier, when I was still I, but most those that surrounded me would one day wake up(perhaps only as they die) and say "who was that person before me?" and when they realize it was them they will be embarrassed for a time until they realize anew and say "but all were others before they are now" and will feel good and later say "I am glad now that I am the person I am, not the frightened, angry, spoiled child of my youth".