Hodge Podge [Dodge McLo(d)ge]
-for all the jazz nerds


IT's white,
up the nose
-lots more
intricate
than coke-.

your face is chubby
but your intentions
are mal meant.
a cherub balding by twenty
you haven't
ever
worn a wig
but you always seem
to miss the warmth.

i have nothing
and so the void
is unshifted.
and i have no home,
i have no family,
i have no love left.
and spite
is climbing into my lungs clamering
for attention(,)
with only
misdemeanors
of mischeivieous
intent(,)
she's a gremlin.

i'm scared
that my hands seem so much smaller
than your body
slick with sweat

and

i'm
offended by the way you smell,
it's too animal
and the nausea is lust rising in my chest.

I'll fuck your brother's girlfriend,
she'll feel the way you used too
and when she tells you,
-and thats why i picked her-
you'll feel all that again.
and when you read this
and you can
see your face
fading
and my hands trembling
always but once
with anxiety
then anticipation,
sloppily carressing this body that isn't yours,
you'll miss
how i cared.

Then maybe daddy's downtown condo
and debutant balls
will lose allure
with images of knights and
rebellious diamonds
rougher than most
but whose karot
is unparalleled
and we could have coffee sometime
or fuck
or hold hands and stare down this void
or talk
and you could be happy for me
and i could stop being worried about you
and we could laugh about how
i had to move into a caravan with two grown men
because you left
us
with nowhere to live
on three weeks of notice.
With no credit history
it was the best we could do,
which isn't so good
i guess,
hey!
but look at me now,
yes,
and look at you now,
yes.
My haven't we grown

so reserved.